Stop Touching My Belly...Please?

So if you know me at all, you're probably pretty aware of the fact that I'm not exactly the sentimental, mushy-gushy type. Don't get me wrong. I love this baby growing inside of me. Every day I am amazed at how much he grows, how much stronger he gets...and how much bigger my belly gets. But don't expect to find me baby-talking to my belly anytime soon...or ever. That's just weird. And I love the fact that I am pregnant, and going to have a baby boy in May...but I am discovering that I am definitely not one of those women who just loves to be pregnant. I'm six months now, and it already feels like I've been pregnant for six years. I'm just ready for him to be grown and in my arms, and be a family. So I've decided to share with you some little treats I've experienced over the past few months.

• Hiccups. So we all get the hiccups. No big deal, right? Except that I don't get the hiccups. I just get one or two or three. And they're loud. And embarassing. This did NOT happen before I got pregnant.
• Heartburn. I've had acid reflux for years. It was always well controlled with over the counter meds, but I had to go off of them when we found out about little Chase. I was not happy. But it didn't become a major problem until the second trimester. I have never experienced heartburn of that magnitude. It didn't matter what I ate or didn't eat. I would go to bed with heartburn, wake up with heartburn, and the hours in-between were torture. The worst part was when the heartburn would lead to nausea...it's a vicious cycle.
• Double Digits. I spent the first few months so excited about when I would get a baby bump. I couldn't wait to start showing. And now that I am showing, I feel like a giant whale. Maternity jeans are impossible. I can't find any that are long enough or comfortable enough to justify spending that kind of money on. So I've conceded to buying juniors jeans (because they are super-low cut and sit below my belly) in larger sizes...double digits to be exact. It's not perfect, but it works....but I can't wait to be back in normal jeans again. Hopefully it will warm up soon so I can start wearing cute little dresses...much more comfortable and easy to find.
• Just call me Granny. I am old before my time. I still have close to four months to go, and things are getting difficult. It hurts to bend over, and putting shoes and socks on is a real treat. It works best if I cross my legs like a man, but then the laces are tied way to the side of the shoe, so I look pretty silly.
• Belly Blues. My belly changes by the day...by the hour, even. I wake up, and it is relatively small. But by the end of the day it is ginormous (the above picture was taken at about 10:00 at night, by the way). It is so weird.
  
• Personal Space. Okay, I know this is a given, but everyone rubs, touches, pats, talks to and even sings to my belly. UGH! That really, really freaks me out. How in the world do you go about telling people that? Don't they realize how rude that is before they do it???
  
• And my personal favorite, a little treat I like to refer to as Vomit Mouth. Yes, it is as disgusting as it sounds. (Feel free to tune out now if you're squeamish) Food doesn't make its way into my stomach and settle there as it used to. Now, quite often, it remains in my esophagus very high up...definitely ruins any notions of dessert. It's annoying, but not really a problem until bedtime. Several times I week, I wake up just seconds away from tossing my cookies, to vomit...in the back of my throat. Not only does it wake me up, but it can keep me up for hours. Awful.

Sorry if any of this was too graphic or revealing. I'm sure I'll think of something I forgot as soon as I hit "publish," but this is my list for now. Here's to hoping winter ends quickly...I'm running out of coats that button!