In A Funk

Those three words best describe the past week of my life. I don't know what's going on with me lately. I have found no motivation for anything. Work, cooking, cleaning, none of it. I cooked a pound of pasta on Monday, and we have been eating it every night since. Keeping the house straight has taken just about every ounce of mental energy I have inside. And work has been no different. I just feel like I'm going through an awkward/weird phase right now.

There are some serious transitions on the horizon at work, and I'm not yet sure how they will affect me. I'll go into more detail later, but some of it is still pretty "hush hush" at the office. But I know that things are going to change, and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, while still taking care of my current responsibilities. Not easy.

And that's just my job. The status of the economy and the housing market in Atlanta are really starting to take their toll at home. It's hard to continue our day to day life and just ignore the elephant in the room. The fact that any day now my husband could come home and say that he no longer has a job. Having already experienced that once as a family, I know that we could handle it, I just really don't want to go through that again. We're both trying to be proactive about it and do as much as we can. Spunk Marketing is really taking off, and getting some great jobs. And I am avidly searching for a part-time job to help us pay off some debt and be ahead of the curve.

But the job hunt in itself I think is part of the problem. I've been searching for several weeks now to no avail. The whole process tends to bring up all the feelings of failure and rejection that I have been trying to put to rest for the past two years. How could I not take it personally when I've applied to a dozen places, and have not received even one call?

Possibly the most frustrating thing of all is that I know better. I know better than to place my value in what a total stranger may or may not think about me. I know better than to sit at home in a funk when God has already broken the curse of depression on my family. I know better than to worry about jobs or money because He promises to take care of me. Yet here I sit. Afraid, frustrated, worried...in a funk.